2:00 PM – Fox Pre-Game show begins with performers from various hit Broadway shows singing musical tribute to Super Bowl. A question…if New York City is indeed “the greatest city in the world” why can’t someone figure out how to operate a football stadium there? Fifty years from now, will the NFL finally be able to fool everyone into thinking this game was played in New York City?
2:15 PM – Fox’s Pam Oliver makes her first appearance. Her hair will not blow up Twitter as it did two weeks ago. Then again, her hair probably has its own Twitter account by now.
2:25 PM – NFL rolls out its first “Play 60” commercial as it continues its not-so-subtle PR campaign to keep their feeder program rolling…that is to say, so mothers don’t shut down football. Some time ago Bennet Omalu, the first doctor to find CTE in a football player’s brain. was advised by an NFL doctor, “If 10 percent of mothers in this country would begin to perceive football as a dangerous sport that is the end of football.”
2:27 PM – Met Life commercial airs with Peanuts gang playing National Anthem. Mothers will likely never perceive Charles Schultz’s characters as dangerous…except for Lucy of course…who keeps moving the damn ball when Charlie Brown always runs up to kick it.
2:39 PM – Geico’s “Caleb The Camel” of “HUMP DAY” fame announces it is “GAME DAY.” Terry Bradshaw is in the spot also – apparently he and Caleb are both supposed to be reporters in these spots. This is an epic fail because it was announced earlier due to his father’s death Bradshaw is not at the Super Bowl. Clearly this is an all-afternoon ad campaign they decided to run regardless. Clearly the wrong move.
2:42 PM – Someone named Katie Nolan announces she will represent Fox in keeping all of us up to date on what is happening in social media. If I wanted to know I would BE on social media.
2:52 PM – The Band Perry performs, clearly auditioning for next year’s halftime spot. Rocked out pretty good for what I thought was a country band.
2:56 PM – A third Geico “Camel” spot appears with Bradshaw, as well as a promo for an upcoming interview with Bradshaw and Joe Namath. As much as I don’t care for Terry it is becoming increasingly weird he’s intertwined through Fox’s Pre-Game coverage as well as a recurring ad campaign with a major sponsor…and he’s not around.
3:14 PM – Bradshaw’s interview with Joe Namath airs. The Jets’ win in SB III really did lift the game to another level. The first two Super Bowls were almost looked at as exhibitions with the AFL being such an unknown commodity. Once New York (and they played in New York back then!) defeated Baltimore, things were never quite the same. Unfortunately, the interview ended with Terry asking Joe if he really wouldn’t have rather had Fox’s Erin Andrews speak with him…an awkward and unnecessary reference to a drunken Namath trying to kiss ESPN’s Suzy Kolber during a live interview years ago. Somewhere Suzy Kolber was cringing…as were many others.
3:22 PM – Charissa Thompson and Chris Myers continue to interview people (including a large number of Fox Network performers) on their recurring gimmick known as the “Fox Red Carpet.” Wishing they would roll the damn Fox Red Carpet up with Thompson and Myers in it.
3:27 PM – Curt Menefee and friends on the Pre-Game crew announce they now have to relocate from Times Square to the Meadowlands. I wonder if there is a prop bet in Vegas as to how long it will be before they return to the air. The NFL cannot be pleased at this blatant announcement the game is not actually being played in New York City.
3:28 PM – Thompson calls play-by-play announcer Joe Buck…Joe Bluck.
3:31 PM – Joe Bluck…um, Buck…appears with game analyst Troy Aikman from Met Life (AKA Snoopy) Stadium. Things are starting to normalize now. It appears at some point a football game may actually break out.
3:57 PM – Another recurring ad campaign reappears…brief spots of Cleatus, Fox’s animated Robot, wearing Dr. Dre’s Beats noise-cancelling headphones while Aloe Blacc’s “The Man” plays in the background, just like their regular ad spots. Clever.
4:00 PM – Menefee and friends have now transferred from their original location in Times Square to Snoopy Stadium. They made good time. Sure they had help.
4:12 PM – A fairly long, artsy segment showing Pre-Game analysts speaking towards how great a sport football is and pointing out how awesome it is to also start at a young age because of the life lessons learned. I wonder if anyone caught the less flashy, life lessons dished out before the segment when it was discussed how a recent survey said most players would play in a Super Bowl even while being concussed…but gosh, the NFL reported concussions are down this year. Yes, there are life lessons to be learned…all the way around.
4:27 PM – Charissa Thompson returns with another Red Carpet interview. I quietly vow to make sure I have noise-cancelling headphones for future Thompson appearances.
4:34 PM – Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly starts a war – disguised as an interview – with President Obama. As aggressive as any game I’ve seen all year. Maybe this will convince future Presidents to just say no. No-win situations are usually not things you want played out in front of millions of people. Obama tells O’Reilly he enjoyed it. For those of you who think our Prez lies…well now there’s indisputable evidence.
4:46 PM – Commercial for “Hunger Games – Catching Fire” airs. Philip Seymour Hoffman in it. He died earlier in the day, apparently of a hunger for heroin. Sad.
5:18 PM – Feature on Seahawks’ defensive backs. Everyone focuses on Richard Sherman but he may not even be best of their bunch. Every time Earl Thomas appears Philadelphia Eagles fans sigh. Our Birds passed over Thomas on Draft Day. A big, big mistake. Thomas is a tremendous player in his own right and he’d look much better to me in an Eagles uni.
5:23 PM – Airing of Peyton Manning interview with Terry Bradshaw. I wrote at length a couple of years ago about how Manning would never be able to reclaim his talent and would be silly putting himself in danger playing the game after his numerous neck surgeries. His comeback and performance since that time has been one of the more amazing, courageous things I’ve seen in my lifetime.
5:52 PM – Martin Sheen introduces the reading of the Declaration of Independence, a Fox Network tradition when they do the Super Bowl. Fox simply can’t put on a sporting event without infusing it with military overtones. These are the same people who normally show America a full slate of animated cartoons on Sunday nights.
6:10 PM – Queen Latifah sings “America The Beautiful.” I decide to take a gander at the national weather radar. If this game was played about eighteen hours from now…
6:20 PM – Joe Buck in the booth with…wait, that’s not Troy Aikman. That’s Mike Pereira, former NFL VP of Officiating. Odd. They discuss how the game might be called and specifically call out the tendencies of a couple of refs in general. Almost as if they expect it to be an issue. I bet it is now.
6:28 PM – Joe Namath makes the coin toss…unfortunately the selection of “heads” or “tails” wasn’t made yet. Bad day for Joe.
6:32 PM – Kickoff.
6:33 PM – Safety. Seahawks, 2-0. If you wagered on that you just quit your job. Crowd seems awfully pro-Seattle.
6:47 PM – Field goal. Seahawks, 5-0. Fox keeps showing the New York skyline. Crowd keeps cheering for Seattle.
7:07 PM – Field goal. Seahawks, 8-0. Commercials playing about as well as Broncos.
7:12 PM – Manning throws bad pick. However, not unusual event in Snoopy Stadium. Remember… Giants play here.
7:13 PM- Radio Shack’s commercial about needing to upgrade their stores featuring 80’s icons caught my fancy. Showing my age.
7:24 PM – Touchdown, Marshawn Lynch. Seahawks, 15-0. Tim Tebow, T-Mobile commercial that followed was excellent. Jacksonville, shame on you for not signing TT. You had if nothing else a built-in can’t-miss-with-the-fans ambassador that could have aided your fractured franchise.
7:39 PM – Another Manning pick. Seattle returns this one for touchdown. Seahawks, 22-0. Fox must now be considering pulling out of game early and running those Sunday night cartoons. Animation Domination > Seattle Domination.
7:55 PM – Toyota commercial featuring the Muppets – “Let’s Go Places.” Right now, I can think of many places I’d rather be. So can the Denver Broncos.
7:58 PM – Mercifully, halftime comes.
8:11 PM – I am actually enjoying Bruno Mars. Special effects are pretty cool and the guy is owning the grand stage. Great old-school R & B vibe and his band is working it as hard as he is. More fireworks than the first half.
8:17 PM – The Red Hot Chili Peppers appear. These two acts look as mismatched as two teams in first half. Mercifully, Peppers disappear quickly and Mars cleans up after them fairly well.
8:31 PM – Second half kickoff. Broncos kick it short to avoid a big play by Percy Harvin. Harvin doesn’t get the memo. Touchdown. Seahawks, 29-0.
8:44 PM – Now obvious Denver had no plan to throw North-South in this game. They thought they could proceed with the same East-West, side-to-side passing game and do well against Seattle. They were wrong.
8:56 PM – Denver throws North-South. Demaryius Thomas fumbles away a long completion. Maybe on this day it doesn’t matter what the Broncos do.
9:03 PM – Jermaine Kearse catches TD pass. Seahawks, 36-0. Joe Buck and Troy Aikman now have admitted defeat, commenting on the Broncos’ indifference towards tackling Kearse. They appear clearly frustrated Fox has not switched over to “The Simpsons” and spared them covering the rest of this game. America is now covering its eyes.
9:24 PM – Doug Baldwin catches TD pass. Seahawks, 43-8. Wait…Denver must have scored. When did that happen?
9:46 PM – Manning fumbles the ball away. Seattle doesn’t show interest in putting up fifty.
9:55 PM – Seahawks, 43-8. The confetti flies…which always makes for great high def television once it sticks to everyone’s head and face. I have been fighting a losing battle with the confetti issue for years now.
10:07 PM – The Vince Lombardi Trophy is presented. More confetti on everyone. It’s a mess…which sums up this Super Bowl perfectly.