1. Fox running split screen images showing how eerily similar it was Vernon Davis caught the winning touchdown by the Bay in those final seconds for the San Francisco 49ers last weekend…comparing it to Terrell Owens doing it in the same manner at the very end of a playoff game in San Francisco several years back. Fox will also provide split screen love for the New York Giants showing similarity between Hakeem Nicks’ Hail Mary-helmet catch prior to halftime last weekend and David Tyree’s final moments-Super Bowl helmet catch the last time the G-Men won it all. Terry Bradshaw will say the Giant receivers were “sure using their head on those plays.” You will groan accordingly.
2. All of the network pre-game shows will show replays of Giants HC Tom Coughlin smiling at the end of last week’s win over the Green Bay Packers. Every shot you see of him live Sunday will be one of relentless unhappiness and discomfort…unless of course the Giants solve the 49ers. He will then smile again. Once.
3. All of the network pre-game shows will show replays of 49ers QB Alex Smith showing up for his post-game presser last weekend with the garage mechanic’s shirt on, one of those issued by HC Jim Harbaugh to all players and coaches before the season, humorously sporting his name. They will then show highlights of Smith chewing up the New Orleans Saints last weekend both on the ground and in the air. You will then hear the words “come of age” so many times you will think Alex was awarded his driver’s permit instead of driving an NFL team to a playoff win.
4. All of the network pre-game shows will discuss the “exciting” potential for a “Harbaugh Bowl” if the Baltimore Ravens and 49ers win their games. They will then report how “competitive” the first one was Thanksgiving night. NBC execs will hit their collective knees and give many Thanks if that “Bowl” doesn’t take place, praying instead for a New England Patriots-Giants match-up…not a game that could be a 3-0 final…in overtime. The post-game handshake possibilities of two brothers bonding aren’t worth that kind of corporate risk. By halftime of a Ravens-49ers Super Bowl the only people watching Madonna might be the typical handful of fake fans (i.e. NFL sponsors’ relatives) positioned on the field, jumping on cue.
5. All of the network pre-game shows will show replays (again) of Ravens QB Joe Flacco telling the media before their game last week with the Houston Texans he knows they won’t give him any credit if the Ravens win. He was accurate there (unlike in the game). There will also be mention of his teammate, DB Ed Reed, indicating grave concern for Joe’s play this week during that Ravens’ win. Joe, you rarely do deserve credit for any Baltimore wins, especially in the playoffs. A post-season passer rating of 66.2 with only six TD passes…and seven picks…is hard to credit. More like a debit.
6. By the way, Reed will be hurt twenty-two times on Sunday. He will miss three plays.
7. Ravens LB Ray Lewis will be shown screaming at no one in particular coming out of the tunnel while half-dressed…as well as loudly lecturing his teammates gathered around him on what they need to do to win. This will all seem so terribly, terribly familiar you might doze off. So might his teammates.
8. Regardless of how cold it is in New England come game time, there will be no reference whatsoever to the “frozen tundra of Gillette Stadium.” It’s like some kind of law or something you can only have frozen tundra in Green Bay, Wisconsin.
9. Women watching Championship Weekend with you will be more intrigued by the Ravens-Patriots match-up than the Giants-49ers. There are two reasons. One is Tom Brady, who will likely be quarterbacking New England. The other is Jon Bon Jovi, who will likely be hanging in Owner Robert Kraft’s luxury box. Rock stars always get the ladies.
10. Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski will, if given the opportunity, spike a football so hard it will journey to Middle Earth never to be seen again. (And after Sunday, there will only be two teams left to see…)